Reality

The seven month mark has come and gone. It has left in it's wake a lot of sadness and grief. I carried a lot of it in those mental boxes on Sunday. It was just too much to handle. Once I got the kids back from their grandparents, we went to the Sunday evening activities at church. I made it half way through the worship service when the sadness and grief demanded to be addressed. I knew I needed to get the kids home, and I wasn't certain that once the crying began I would be able to drive. The amount of sadness and grief felt huge! We left church rather quickly and came home. All of that sadness and grief did indeed come to the surface, but not until I had the kids in bed.

I've been doing a lot of journal writing during the last few days. I am simply overwhelmed by my emotions right now. MLC told me in my session this morning I am at a point that takes place about 6 months (give or take) after people have experienced a traumatic event. The trauma sometimes has to be revisited. That has been the focus of my thoughts and my emotions the last few days. I am in the process of accepting and processing the reality of Keith's death. That also means processing and accepting the days leading up to his death.

I ask that you be patient with me during the next few days or weeks if I don't post much. I may surprise myself and post more frequently, but right now I am not ready to publicly share what's going on with me. It's just too personal. These are my last bits and pieces of my life with Keith. These pieces are very painful, yet I cherish them.

Pray for me. I don't know how I am going to get through the next several days feeling the way I have for the past few. I have to deal with this pain though.