How's it going?

This is just going to be one of those, "Hey! How's it going? How's yer mom-n-em?" kind of posts.

I'm not feeling all that well today to be quite honest. My shoulder and collar bone are still hurting...a lot. I am back in for a recheck later this week. I anticipate that I'll need an MRI.

Kacie is on crutches. The doctor thinks she has torn cartilage in her knee. Yes, it is affecting her ability to dance. She is not happy about it. Kacie is scheduled for an MRI later this week to see what's going on.

Nick's next Birmingham visit has been rescheduled. I'm thinking we may need to push it out a week further and reschedule again. The schedules are just crazy right now.

I've got a sneaky feeling I've missed an appointment with Nick's kidney doctor. The calendar in my phone went nuts a few months ago. I lost a lot of appointments when that happened. I thought I had recovered all of them, but I realized just a little while ago that may not be the case.

Oh well...not much I can do about it now.

Nick's okay. He's handled his latest treatment so far. If he's having any side effects, he isn't telling me about it.

All of the mess with the wreck still isn't settled. It's going to be a while.

I know a lot of this is just random stuff. It's the way my brain is working right now.

You should see my private journal! Talk about random. I'm writing in it daily, Sometimes several times a day.

I seem to be doing okay grief wise right now. Once I got over the April hump, I seem to be doing okay with May. We'll see what June and July bring.

It is very difficult to realize that the three year mark is quickly approaching. It doesn't FEEL like Keith has been in his heavenly home for that long. At the very same time, it seems like it's been FOREVER since I've held his hand or have been close to him.

I have lots of memories that have finally returned. Lots and lots of very happy memories. I am so very  thankful that the grief has finally reached a place of healing that these happy memories can return. I haven't talked much to anyone other than MLCs about not being able to remember things about my life spent with Keith. It hurt A LOT that I couldn't remember. I would hear people at group talk about how their happy memories helped them to heal. I would leave the grief group hurting because I couldn't remember the happy stuff. All I could remember was the bad.

Finally...I have been able to remember the wonderful times, the well times, the happy times, the sweet times. I can remember them and smile. I can look back and be thankful for the time I had him here.

I can stand strong (even though I don't feel good) and know that God's got me and the kids FIRMLY IN HIS GRIP. Life may be really hard more often than not, and every day seems to present some kind of struggle. At the end of the day, I KNOW that God has carried me through whatever has come. Nothing touches me or mine that God doesn't already know about.

That is what carries me through these days lately.

Update on Nick 5/10/12

Nick and I were in Birmingham yesterday for another round of chemo and IVIG.

Overall, everything is okay. Nick’s port wasn’t working...AGAIN. It seems like he is having more and more problems with this new port. The port is being clogged by small protein particles that are in the blood stream. It’s not all that uncommon for the particles to collect at the end of the internal IV line. It just seems like this is happening a lot more frequently. I don’t know what any of it means. As long as the medicine used to clear the port and the line continues to work, it’s all okay.

Once the line got cleared, it worked like a dream. Please pray it stays this way!

Nick received his chemo and IVIG. Everything went okay with that. No real problems.

One concern that the doctor has is that the chemo may by affecting Nick’s bladder. This is a side effect of the chemo, but Nick hasn’t ever had a problem with it. The doctor wants Nick to drink even more water than he usually does to help flush out all of the chemo. Nick may have to begin receiving extra IV fluids when he gets his chemo to help as well. He is already getting a lot of IV fluids, but...this is part of what can happen with being on this chemo for as long as Nick has been on it.

I also noticed that Nick’s platelet count seemed a little bit lower this time. It is still in normal range, but lower. I am wondering if the cancer is beginning to affect Nick’s ability to make platelets. That has happened before when the cancer was really active and growing.

The oncologist is keeping an eye on all of the different blood levels that indicate if things are trending in that direction. Nothing was mentioned about it yesterday since all of the results were not back yet. I don’t anticipate there being anything abnormal, but looking at the trend of the different blood levels is one way to help catch a problem before it gets too bad. I guess my concern is that this may be the beginning of a trend...the beginning of the cancer becoming more active again.

So, I guess I have more questions than answers. The answers are not easily gained though. It’s just going to take some time of watching and waiting to see what the cancer is going to do. It hasn’t behaved very predictably for the last year and a half. Nick’s oncologist says that it is “smoldering”. The problems begin when it erupts.

I’m trying not to play the what if game. I’m trying not to over worry either, although both are very difficult for me.

Today, Nick is good. I’ll take that and let God take care of tomorrow. Please pray for healing for Nick.

Kacie is still in a knee brace from the car accident we were in. She is due back for a checkup next week. Her knee still hurts often. Please pray that it heals completely and quickly.

My collar bone is broken. I’m in a sling for three weeks. The rotator cuff in my shoulder is really irritated as well, along with most of the muscles on the left side of my upper back. Lots of rest and steroids are the doctor’s orders. I go back for a reevaluation in a couple more weeks. The doctor will decide then if an MRI is needed.

I guess that pretty much catches us up. This school year is winding down quickly. Nick’s next chemo is scheduled for June 6.

Thank you for the continued thoughts and prayers.

I would also ask that Noah Crowe and his parents be lifted up in prayer. Noah is a little guy that is battling brain cancer. His parents have had to make the decision to let the ALMIGHTY PHYSICIAN take over Noah’s care, since the chemo isn’t working anymore. Noah’s website is www.prayfornoah.com if anyone would like more information.

Another little guy, Thomas Sullivan, has just begun his battle with a brain cancer. He is having a tough time with this second round of chemo. Please pray for him and his family as well.

Last, but not least, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE lift up a very dear friend of mine and Keith’s who is fighting a battle with cancer. Rick has been fighting this cancer for many years. He is in ICU right now and needs lots of prayers. Please pray for Rick, his wife Lisa, and their daughters, Hannah and Lauren.

Thank you for continuing to help us carry our burdens.

Always remaining...

In HIS Grip,

Kristy Baxley