A couple of weeks ago, during Wednesday night prayer meeting, I was struck with the realization that many of the people on our prayer list were waiting. Some were waiting for surgery. Others were waiting for test results. Still others were waiting for God's healing hand. I was overwhelmed with the amount of waiting that some of us have to endure.
Sometimes waiting is worse than anything. I am not a patient person. Patience does not come easily for me, but I have learned the importance of being patient. I think of waiting, patience, and anxiety as siblings. In my world, they all go hand in hand. For example: We are waiting on some test results. The results take time, and time means patience and anxiety. We wait in the doctor's office to receive what will likely be sad news. That leads into more anxiety, and we have to wait patiently until it is our turn with the doctor. The whole thing is made worse, because the entire situation is out of our control. Then we have a need for more waiting, more anxiety, and more patience. It is a nasty, vicious circle.
Sometimes I think about what I have learned about patience over the last several years. Probably one of the most important things I have learned is that God wants us to turn over everything to Him. A friend of mine sent me a wonderful email that had a link to a website that was about having a birth verse. Each day of the year has a specific Bible verse. I looked up my verse. My birthday is May 7. The verse that came up was 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. When I step back and take a look at my life, the life God gave me, that verse speaks volumes.
I have battled with anxiety for many years. The amount of time that I have spent waiting in waiting rooms, exam rooms, treatment rooms, and hospital rooms is simply overwhelming. How do I get through it? It really depends on where I am. Many people recognize me by my sewing. If I'm waiting with Keith or Nick in a treatment room, hospital room, or waiting room, I will usually have some type of hand sewing that I am working on. If my hands are busy, my mind is usually busy and it passes the time in a constructive way. Now, if we are in a exam room or elsewhere and it is test result day, I am just waiting. I am not able to concentrate long enough to get anything done. I am trying to make myself stay in my seat and not pace. Yes, I can be a pacer.
Overcoming that huge amount of stress has been a challenge. I would work myself up into a frenzy in the days preceding "that visit". So, you can imagine the state I would be in by the time we would actually be sitting there. It has taken me a long time to find what works for me. The thing that works best for me is repeatedly praying the Lord's Prayer. While praying, I meditate on the words and their meaning. The part that always strikes me is..."Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven." Wow! What a realization I had when I came to terms with the fact that I was sitting where I was, because it was God's will. Then, I am faced with the realization of what God has entrusted me with. He trusted me with the lives of three very special people. I am their caregiver, wife, mother, supporter, advocate, and (as another friend lovingly says) their bulldozer driver.
Talk about a reality check. I realize there may be a hundred other things I would rather be doing, but nothing could keep me away from being right there, right at that moment.
I don't know if any sense can be made out of all this today, but I can say that I felt pressed to write about it. I have made waiting one of my talents. It is one that I do well...most of the time.
I've included the link to the birth verse website. I hope God speaks to you through it as well.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7