Monday, December 7, 2009

5 months

It is 5 months today since Keith claimed his place in heaven. Two days ago would have been Keith's 39th birthday.

I think that I handled Saturday considerably well. The kids had a tough time while we were doing what we decided we would do to commemorate Keith's birthday. The plans we made were the kids ideas with just a little tweaking.

I do believe that it is finally catching up with me today.

I miss Keith so much still. I know, how can I not?! We were together for 18 1/2 years. That doesn't go away in only 5 months.

It just amazes me how I was crying every single day just a couple of months ago. I have been at a point during the last few weeks where I don't have the need to cry every day. It's even been a few days in between. Then I have a day like today, that actually started yesterday morning during church.

I am emotionally drained. I am crying a lot. My heart feels like the wounds are fresh and new instead of healing.

The thoughts going through my mind are jumbled, yet racing. It's like a movie playing in my mind of what I saw and experienced on the day Keith died.

I'm putting one foot in front of the other. I just can't see where I am going through my tears.

Father God, please guide my feet today. I can't seem to find my way. Please carry me because I can't. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.

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