Tuesday, October 19, 2010


I haven't posted because I just don't know what to say. There seems to be so much going on and I don't even know where to start with it all. So this post will be ramblings about whatever comes to mind.

Let's see...Kacie had to get new glasses. Her vision has changed in just a year and now she needs to wear glasses full time. Not surprising since I wear glasses full time and have since I was a teen. Kacie is continuing to do well in school and loves dance. She has a pretty full schedule this year, but she seems to be handling it very well. We have had conversations about the importance of homework versus dance. I made it very clear that dance is a privilege not a requirement. She can't go to dance until her homework is finished. That's because she dances for 4 hours a week: two hours on Monday and two hours on Tuesday. She doesn't like the rule, but it carries weight. Kacie is really settling in with our new church family. She has a speaking part in the Christmas play. She likes getting to know her friends from school on a new and different level.

Nick began taking driver's ed this week. His time of becoming a licensed driver is drawing ever near. I know I'm not ready in so many ways, but I am ready in so many ways. He has been feeling well lately. I feel like I'm waiting for the shoe to drop. I know I need to not watch so close, but old habits die hard and Keith isn't here to be the voice of reason. Nick seems to be doing well in school too. He will begin taking some classes at the tech school next semester. He is really excited about this opportunity. I am too, just because it means a chance for him to learn something he loves. Nick is enjoying band. The football/marching season is quickly coming to a close. It has picked up steam during the past couple of weeks. We will be hitting it hard until the first of November.

Both kids are continuing to work their way through the grief from Keith's death. We all are. I continue with my counseling/therapy. I'm still on medication for the depression. I still have good days and bad days. Lately it seems like there are more bad days than good ones.

The second year after the death of your spouse is easier in many, many ways. It is also more difficult in many, many ways too. One thing that I have noticed is that I don't have as many bad days as I did during the first year. It seemed like every day had the potential to be a bad day during that first year. Now, the bad days are fewer, but when there is a bad day(s) it tends to be really intense.

I'm in a time of intensity right now. I'm not sure why. I do know that MLC (My Lovely Counselor) told me that this isn't unusual, especially for younger widows. I have to say that I will be glad when this time has passed. It's tough to be where I am now. There isn't a lot of good about it. I'm not going into detail about it simply because it's very personal and it is painful. I am trying hard not to fall into this pit that is full of feelings of abandonment and being damaged beyond repair.

I am still in school. I have two more classes to take before I transfer to Athens State to finish my degree. I have decided to continue at a slower pace for the time being. One of the classes I need isn't even being offered for the spring semester, so decision to only take one class again was a little easier. :-) I've done well so far. I hope I can continue to do so. I hope to be able to start at Athens in the fall of 2011. I don't know if I'll be able to finish in two years, but God knows the time frame and I am fully trusting in Him to make this happen.

That's about all the rambling I've got for tonight.

Until next time,

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