Sunday, April 3, 2011

Hey...Guess What?!

*****Disclaimer***** I do not know what is wrong with this blog. I have tried everything I know to edit it so that it is in paragraph form. Any advice is appreciated.......... This isn't going to be a post about grief...well not in the same way that I have talked about grief before. For the first time, in longer than I really want to admit, I am feeling pretty good both mentally and emotionally. It's amazing when your body is more chemically balanced how much better you feel in every aspect: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I have been able to see some healing of my grief that has taken place and is still continuing to take place. I really don't think I would have been able to see this healing without getting the depression under better control. I wish I had taken MLC's* advice sooner... *My Lovely Counselor What have we been up to? Other than the regular stuff (school x 3, homework x 3, dance, counseling sessions x 3, church, and Birmingham visits), I am encouraging (sometimes pushing, shoving and dragging them) the kids to try new things. These are things that I had the opportunity to do as a child because of where my family lived. I realized a few weeks ago that my kids haven't had some of these same experiences, and they need to have them. I also realized that we haven't done many things that are fun since Nick started chemo. We've been busy, but how much of it was fun? Hmmm..... So, after some advice from a friend or two, the kids and I are trying things that are new to them. Things that I have done before, but before falls into the category of 20 to 25 years ago. Man that makes me sound old! Yesterday was our first real go at new. We went hiking up on Rainbow Mountain. I had a good friend that hikes there often to show us the way. It was a great experience. Kacie is the girly girl Keith and I always believed her to be. Nick took off like gangbusters climbing rocks and leaving us girls in the dust. We had a great time. We came home tired, but relaxed. We have sore muscles, but quieter minds. I learned that my son, who seems content to always follow, likes to be in the lead sometimes too. I learned that my daughter is tougher than she looks and acts sometimes. I also learned that she is more like me than I really thought possible. I understand that this may not seem like a big deal to a lot of folks. It is to my family though. We have spent so much time surviving that I forget that we need to live some too. Living needs to be fun and different too. We've been doing the same things that we did before Keith got really sick and then died, but I had not thought about doing other things. Things that I never considered doing because of Keith's going on a hike or having a friend teach Nick to skateboard. We did that too this weekend. :-) Nick has a natural ability for skating too. He only fell once. I think I did great too. I didn't run to him to check on him. I walked to him while casually observing him for injuries. He just had a little pavement burn on his shoulder. The elbow pads took the brunt of the blow. That's what they are there for! We are going to take a trip to the beach during the kids spring break soon. It will be the first longer trip back to "our" beach since the trip 3 weeks before Keith's death. I took my mom and the kids last May for a weekend as a birthday present for my mom. We haven't been back vacation style though. This will be another first of sorts. I have a very close friend going with us. I am so thankful for her and my other "sisters" that have accompanied us on our many trips to Birmingham or on trips for fun since Keith's death. I think it is safe to say that we are slowly finding our way through this new life we didn't ask for or want. God is continuing to see to our every need in every way. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good. I am finally beginning to be able to see that light at the end of the tunnel. It may be a train, but it probably isn't. The best part is if the light turns out to be a train, we just step out of the way, wave it on by, deal with whatever it leaves behind, and then we MOVE on. Not every light is a train though! I love not only knowing that, but also believing it. Hope this finds you all well. There will be another update later this week. Nick has CT scans on Thursday.

1 comment:

Gmama Jane said...

I LOVED this post!! So much to think about, praise God for and be happy about!! I'm soooo glad you took teh good advice of whomever and got your depression under control. God works thru modern medicine!!
Love you and am excited to hear all the "new" things you are going to do.