Sunday, June 6, 2010

a month and a day

In a month and a day, it will be one year since Keith's death. I am at a loss to truly put my thoughts and feelings into words. I am burdened with a HUGE amount of sadness and grief today. I realized earlier today that tomorrow is June 7th. 11 months since Keith's death. Tomorrow is also the first day of VBS at church. That is the beginning of when Keith's body began to succumb to the cancer last year. Tomorrow I also will be taking Nick for another set of PET scans at the medical mall. Thursday, Nick and I will be in Birmingham for CT scans, more blood tests, and results of all of the recent blood tests and scans. Saturday will be the day one year ago that we began our final vacation with Keith even though his body was struggling.

Last night was Kacie's dance recital. She danced beautifully. I missed Keith terribly. I've come to realize that this type of firsts (the ones where Nick and Kacie show off their accomplishments) are going to be really tough. My hope is that as time passes, the pain and grief that comes with these firsts will lessen.

Only God knows.

In a month and a day, I will have made it through the first year as a widow. In a month and two days, I will begin my second year as widow.

I don't know what the next year, month, week, or even day holds. I do know that God has a plan for me and mine. I trust Him to show me His plan in His time.

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