Today is another Tuesday. Tuesday's tend to be very emotional for me, since Keith died on a Tuesday. For me, Tuesday marks another week that I have spent apart from my husband. Although I no longer know how many weeks it has been, I still feel the sharp pain of that moment when Keith took his final breath...each and every Tuesday.
I imagine it will be this way for some time. I am trying to do as MLC has advised on many occasions and allow myself the grace, mercy and patience to grieve these times when they come. There are days, such as today, when I feel like my heart won't be able to feel anything other than sadness and grief.
I realized this morning that I had hoped that today would be different. The children and I are visiting my dear, wonderful friend (whom I actually consider a sister of the heart rather than a friend) that came and took care of us for the entire first week after Keith's death. I guess I had hoped the grief wouldn't find me here. I know that sounds silly, but that's how it is.
I am hoping that this wave will pass without leaving me too drained.
I miss Keith with an intensity that seems to get stronger. The pain of his passing seems to never lessen. I have heard from other widows that over time the pain will lessen, but it never truly leaves. The grief never truly leaves. I keep waiting for that time to come. I keep waiting for the time when the pain, sadness, and grief dull just a little.