Sunday, May 20, 2012

How's it going?

This is just going to be one of those, "Hey! How's it going? How's yer mom-n-em?" kind of posts.

I'm not feeling all that well today to be quite honest. My shoulder and collar bone are still hurting...a lot. I am back in for a recheck later this week. I anticipate that I'll need an MRI.

Kacie is on crutches. The doctor thinks she has torn cartilage in her knee. Yes, it is affecting her ability to dance. She is not happy about it. Kacie is scheduled for an MRI later this week to see what's going on.

Nick's next Birmingham visit has been rescheduled. I'm thinking we may need to push it out a week further and reschedule again. The schedules are just crazy right now.

I've got a sneaky feeling I've missed an appointment with Nick's kidney doctor. The calendar in my phone went nuts a few months ago. I lost a lot of appointments when that happened. I thought I had recovered all of them, but I realized just a little while ago that may not be the case.

Oh well...not much I can do about it now.

Nick's okay. He's handled his latest treatment so far. If he's having any side effects, he isn't telling me about it.

All of the mess with the wreck still isn't settled. It's going to be a while.

I know a lot of this is just random stuff. It's the way my brain is working right now.

You should see my private journal! Talk about random. I'm writing in it daily, Sometimes several times a day.

I seem to be doing okay grief wise right now. Once I got over the April hump, I seem to be doing okay with May. We'll see what June and July bring.

It is very difficult to realize that the three year mark is quickly approaching. It doesn't FEEL like Keith has been in his heavenly home for that long. At the very same time, it seems like it's been FOREVER since I've held his hand or have been close to him.

I have lots of memories that have finally returned. Lots and lots of very happy memories. I am so very  thankful that the grief has finally reached a place of healing that these happy memories can return. I haven't talked much to anyone other than MLCs about not being able to remember things about my life spent with Keith. It hurt A LOT that I couldn't remember. I would hear people at group talk about how their happy memories helped them to heal. I would leave the grief group hurting because I couldn't remember the happy stuff. All I could remember was the bad.

Finally...I have been able to remember the wonderful times, the well times, the happy times, the sweet times. I can remember them and smile. I can look back and be thankful for the time I had him here.

I can stand strong (even though I don't feel good) and know that God's got me and the kids FIRMLY IN HIS GRIP. Life may be really hard more often than not, and every day seems to present some kind of struggle. At the end of the day, I KNOW that God has carried me through whatever has come. Nothing touches me or mine that God doesn't already know about.

That is what carries me through these days lately.

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