Sunday, June 12, 2011

just some thoughts

The kids have been with Keith's parents since last Wednesday. A huge vacation of sorts for them. Kacie came home on Friday afternoon for some girl time. I put her on the church bus to CentriKid camp early this morning. Nick is still on vacation at Nana's house for another day or two.

I have learned that I am more okay with being alone in the house than I have been since Keith died. Yes, it has taken me most of two years to be able to say that. At least I can say it now. There have been lots of times since Keith's death that I didn't know if I would ever be able to stand being alone, without feeling like the walls were closing in on me.

I am taking a summer class in order to finish up the 2 year Associates Degree I started in 1992. If I can pass this class, I will receive my diploma at the end of the summer. I can say I am a graduate of Calhoun Community College Class of 2011. It's just the beginning of meeting goals I had set so long ago, but it will be nice to know that I have finally completed something...even with living a life interrupted.

I have no idea what I am going to do next. I have several pressing decisions to make that I feel grossly unprepared for. I am praying for guidance and discernment. That's the only thing I know to do.

I have my laptop back. YAY! Thank you BH for fixing it! The verdict is still out on retrieving any info from the corrupt hard drive. I'm praying for pictures and documents. I'll settle for pictures though. I have decided, after two major computer crashes, that I am buying an external hard drive simply for storing pictures and important documents.

I literally just realized that I probably lost all of my embroidery designs too. Ack! Oh well...I'm not sewing much right now. I'll deal.

Nick is feeling good. He's been kept busy at Nana's house. He is having a blast. We go back to Birmingham on June 22 for more chemo. I am assuming that we will also be told where things stand with the construction of the "new" plan.

Honestly...I don't want to hear anything about a new plan. I don't want to hear anything other than Nick is in remission. The problem with what I want is that it's a hope and a wish, not the reality right now anyway.

More honesty...I am really tired of watching the ones I love suffer from cancer. It has been a long, long journey...15 1/2 years. I'm ready for some peace and calm that comes from living a life without cancer in the house. I'm wondering if that will ever be possible. More praying going on there too.

Well...I have blogged here instead of watching my economics lecture. I'll have to make that up tomorrow. For now, I am headed to bed.

Good night!

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