Sunday, September 19, 2010

Still surprised sometimes

I am surprised at how strong the grief can still be at times. Most days, I don't have the overwhelming, intense grief that seemed to be my constant companion during the first year following Keith's death. Somewhere along the way this summer, the grief became less intense and the surges of big grief became less frequent as well.

I have really become comfortable with the grief that I do carry around with me daily. There are times when I miss Keith with an intensity that my heart simply aches. Those times are usually limited to something with the kids or some kind of goal I've met. You know, the kinds of things that a wife shares with her husband who is also her best friend.

The past few days have been days that the grief has been more intense. So much is changing within our family and it just doesn't seem right that Keith isn't here to have in a part in it. I'm not going to go into the minutiae of all the changes, but it's all good stuff. It's normal living for the most part. It's living a life that isn't entirely focused on the treatment of cancer and the end of that battle. It's being able to get into a routine that doesn't include spending hours and hours in the chemo clinic several days a week.

My heart is aching tonight for my sweet husband. I miss him. It still catches me off guard sometimes...even more than a year later.

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