Thursday, March 12, 2009

Too much

Why does it always seem like when one thing happens a dozen others happen right along with it?

Nick and I got back from Birmingham last week and I realized Monday night that I didn't update here. I am sorry for neglecting my blog. Nick's checkup with his oncologist went well I guess. I really think that the doctor is tired of waiting and watching. He kind of alluded to a theory that maybe Nick's cancer isn't viral driven anymore. That would not be good. That would mean that the PTLD has changed over to a "true" lymphoma. That would probably mean the harsher chemo to get him back into remission. I haven't said much and honestly I have tried not to think about it much, because we won't know anything until April 2.

Keith is having scans on Monday, March 16. I wish I could say that I wasn't worried, but I can't. I am worried. Keith has had this cough for so long. The oncologist thinks it could be one of the tumors in his lungs touching a cough receptor and that is making him cough. I don't see any way around the fact if that is the reason for the cough, then that means the cancer has probably grown. I am trying to let God handle this and not focus on my worries and fears, but that is hard to do! At least we will know on Tuesday. We are scheduled to meet with the PA for the results. We're fine with that. We love him.

We are all leaving for Orlando on Wednesday morning. I wish it were truly a pleasure trip, but the middle school band is going for a band competition. I am an "official" chaperon. Keith and Kacie are "tag-a-longs". The kids are so excited. I can't believe it's here already! We've been talking about this trip for almost a year. It just doesn't seem real yet. It will this weekend when I'm trying to get every one's stuff packed!

The other major that has happened lately is that our HVAC unit went out. We had noticed during the winter that it wasn't heating that well, but due to higher utility costs, we had turned our thermostat down. I thought I was just cold. Well, when it was so warm Monday and Keith having had chemo that day, we turned the A/C on. Keith gets so hot when he gets his chemo and he was miserable Monday. There was no cold air coming out when we turned it on. We had a repair guy come out and look at it. He gave us the bad news and an estimate. Keith and I were truly stunned at how much it is going to cost to replace our unit. We had three others come out today to give us an estimate. It is not looking much better! I joked that my checkbook is sobbing hysterically. I think maybe it's me instead.

I'm not going to ask "what else?" or "how much more?", because that has always acted like an invitation with me. I will say that I am ready for a break. It seems like if it isn't one thing, it is half a dozen others. I guess if we weren't under so much daily stress with Keith and Nick, then all this other wouldn't be quite as bad. However, we are under that daily stress, and even little things can seem like big things.

So, for today, I am saying it's too much! I'm not only giving it to God, but I'm throwing it up to him. I know he'll catch it and do better with it than I will. Don't take that picture the wrong way. I don't intend a mean spirited thing. I have in my mind the picture of a child standing outside throwing confetti, a balloon, leaves, etc up in the air and watching them fall. Only in my mind, I'm throwing all of these stressors up to God and they aren't falling back down on me. He is going to catch them and take care of them for me. I guess I am literally casting my cares upon the Lord.

I will try to post again Tuesday night after our visit with one of Keith's team.


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