Sunday, April 15, 2012

Over a month since...

I can't believe it's been over a month since I've written here. I've been writing a lot in my personal journal. I have had a lot of emotional ups and downs during the last month. Some of the downs are simply due to grief. Yes, I still have grief.

The grief lately has come from the reality of Keith's absence during this time in the kid's lives. Nick is coming to the end of his junior year in high school.  He will be a senior in a matter of weeks. I am sad that Keith isn't here to see the young man Nick is quickly becoming. I'm sad that Keith isn't here to celebrate this life that Nick is living. Remember, we were told Nick wouldn't survive in December 1995...

Nick is getting closer to meeting some goals he has set for himself. He is really feeling called into service as a volunteer firefighter. That is a hard calling for this Momma to accept, but accept it I will. God definitely has plans for Nick!

Chemo is still going. Nick is doing ok with it. He tires easily for the first few days after his treatment. Then the mega dose steroids kick in and the roller coaster ride with his emotions begins. There's no real defined plan with the chemo. We are in a sit back and wait pattern I guess. I really don't want to admit what we are waiting for, but after watching Keith's battle, it's difficult to NOT wonder if things will end up that way.

Kacie is doing pretty well. She got the last bracket of her braces finally placed. We were waiting on the very last adult tooth to come in enough. The orthodontist is pleased with her progress. Her hip seems to be holding. The physical therapy she got for it really strengthened it. Kacie is gearing up for dance recital in June. It's hard to believe that she has been dancing for 7 years already!!

The most major event since my last post is the car accident Kacie and I were in on Easter weekend. My Pilot is likely totaled. We thought I had a broken bone, but I don't. Kacie wasn't majorly injured either. We are both still very sore though...even a week later. Nick was not in the car with us. He had the fear and worry when the call came out that we had been in an accident.

We are all slowly healing from this trauma. As with any trauma, it will take time. I find that I'm antsy whenever  I see a vehicle coming a little too fast. The kids are too. There is truth in the saying, "Time heals."

It really does. I look back at how wounded I was three years ago, 2 1/2 years ago, even a year ago. I am so much more healed now. The emotions and grief no longer feel like they will take me under. I have times of happiness and joy. I actually have more of those times than the times of sadness and grief.

That's all for now. We are back in Birmingham this week for chemo...again.

In His Grip!


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