Thursday, January 29, 2009


This week has gone better than I thought it would, especially after Sunday's episode with Nick. Keith hasn't had the problems with nausea from his chemo treatment this week, which is great. However, he does seem more tired. It may simply be from this cough that has been hanging around for awhile. Actually, it seems like forever. He is taking the steroid pack that the oncologist prescribed. Keith says he can tell some difference in his breathing. I just wish the cough would stop. He is still miserable from it.

Keith and I have been talking a lot lately about how far God has brought us, especially the last five years. We have met so many wonderful people who lift us up in so many ways. God has worked through them to meet our needs. God has NEVER failed to meet our needs. I said needs, not wants. God has taken care of some of the wants too, but ALWAYS the needs.

It amazes me how blind I was to God's hands at work before Keith got sick. That isn't to say that we didn't see God at work during Nick's illnesses. We did. He was ALWAYS there, ALWAYS providing. I'm just not sure that I saw it as clearly then. I see it now when I look back, but with Keith I can see it clearly almost right away. I am in awe of how amazing God is. I am humbled that God has continued to bless me, when I know I don't deserve it. Isn't grace amazing!

I have been doing a lot of thinking about faith and where I stand in mine. I look back at the journey of my faith and am astonished at the growth. God grew me up. He is still growing me up. I was such a babe in my faith when Nick got sick 13 years ago. Nick's diagnosis shook my faith to it's absolute core. I ranted, yelled, screamed, pouted, and turned away from God. I blamed God for everything. I went through that for 4 months, before God succeeded in literally bringing me to my knees. I have been a Christian since I was 12, but I don't believe that I KNEW what being saved by grace meant until I was 21. My walk with God changed dramatically that day 13 years ago. I quit blaming, yelling, and pouting, and finally started listening. I finally allowed God access to my pain and He began to heal it with His peace...the kind that passes ALL understanding.

When Keith was diagnosed 5 years ago, I didn't get angry at God. I didn't turn away. Instead, I turned to His waiting arms. Staying there isn't always easy, but He never said it would be. I am amazed at the depths of God's love for us. Even when we doubt, even when we sin, even when we shame him...he still loves us. Oh how he loves you and me!

Please continue to pray for Keith and Nick. There are days that it doesn't seem like earthly healing is in God's plan. We just have to trust him and have faith!


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